Turn the light off ma...

Occasionally I wonder why child stars don't turn out to be normal everyday people operating satisfactorily in society, and then i realize that Michael Jackson still exists and that Harry Potter has a bad taste in naming his kids. Unaware that i was being followed I walked down the road to get some milk when I was attacked by a crazy talent scout looking for the next big thing in the "cute kids now but slutty whores in five years" range of tv stars. He grabbed me by the hair with a crazy look in his eyes screaming at me. "CRY....CRY YOU LITTLE BITCH..... CRY AS THOUGH YOUR BEST FRIEND IS AN ALIEN THAT CAN FINALLY GO HOME, MAKE ME RICH".
I cried. So did he. Then i lovingly stroked his hair. We started to kiss but then i realized I was heterosexual and this guy probably didn't have the appropriate pee pee that could satisfy me. Goodnight sweet John.

ENRAGED

Nothing has enraged me. I have been Zen. The very essence of me has been peace and Utopia. Until today, and a couple of weeks ago but read this bit first because i have to warn each and everyone one of you before it's too late.
I was cleaning my friends list out of Facebook today, because I hate everyone, when I spotted someone I did not know. I looked and on the profile I saw a good looking girl who obviously has no qualms about showing boobage to everyone on facebook. I immediately called over my buddies. "Wow!" I cried, obviously punk, "Where did she buy those!". I then realised, this girl with no morals, trying to seduce every man and his dog (got a bone?), was my cousin.
People. CHECK THAT THE PEOPLE YOU ARE CHECKING OUT ON FACEBOOK ARE NOT RELATIONS YOU HAVE NOT SEEN SINCE THEY WERE FIVE.

Now, Harry Potter. What an idiot. "My parents were killed by the most fearsome and powerful wizard on earth... Please take me and mold so that i may become a wizard too..." DICKHEAD. Then, his name gets called out of the fire, why not say, "I don't want to" or "Can't you get Frodo to do it?"

Idiot