Don't confuse me with my mum, I'll be the one with the longer penis

O.k i realize that sometimes I go a bit overboard. Like yesterday when I went out and brought my very own coppy of gettin jiggy with it. Yes i regret this desicion and yes I understand the the president of Iran is a better rapper than will smith. I came home only to find that my sister was smooching on the couch with her boyfriend. After filming them for a while I went upstairs and tried to work out the meaning of life. After succeeding at this i went downstairs to tell my sister who by this time had brought in an array of farm animals for her and her boyfriend to play with. Ever had to clean animal poo off your carpet because in the middle of wild passionate sex your family member refused to realise that the smell drifting to thier nostrils was not the smell of passion but rather that of sheep fecies? I know I have, So has Nicky Hilton.

Holy Man

It's not my fault the other day I tried to peirce my liver so that I could be alternative. I mean let's face it, if you have holes in your face people respect you far more than if you think Whoopi Goldberg would look hot in latex. I always try to be cool, wether it be the only white guy in a Chris Rock concert pretending to laugh or the guy who everyone knows once tried to crack onto Princess Diana, whilst she was in a limo, with her boyfriend, covered in blood. Oh, the single life. i do like women I really do, but the thing is, is that none of them ever see me. I like wearing camoflauge.

I'm too scared to close my eye's, Too scared to watch oprah

Went to a party the other night and decided that this weeks personal image would be goth. Probobly because I was going out to a fancy dress party where the theme was goth. Everything was going fine till the power cut out and everyone kept bumping into everyone else because all the goths were now wearing the same coloured clothing as the lighting conditions. Ever had to go home and explain to your grandparents why you are wearing a nappy? I have. They understood perfectly what I was talking about and proceeded to pull down thier pants and show me thier nappies. Me and my elder's are very close. Probobly too close as we all share a bed like the people in charlie and the chocolate factory. The other night I tried to iron my grandma. kinky