I don't know if I will ever get my elephant

I walked out of the plastic surgeon dissapointed. When i said i wanted to be a dickhead i was joking. I didn't mean i wanted him to move my dick from my dick to my head. Now when i go to a girl to lay my head on her shoulder to cry and get her to really listen. I'm not sure if she actually will listen, or if her eyes will constantly be looking at my, well what used to be my forehead and now is just a place where my forehead used to be and now a penis is. Hey, funny llama.

What in the world is a yodel anyway?

I read my horoscope this morning and it told me that i would meet a beautiful woman who would have sex with me no strings attached. I met her, we laughed and then we had sex, with no strings attached. Which is strange as she is a puppeteer for a living. She saw the disease on my penis. I sang it's not easy being green. I like fire engines.

You killed her you bitch

My chicken is evil. It killed my rooster then pecked me. How, i thought to myself, could i use this chicken to my advantage. I thought the best course of action would be to take the chiken over to bette midlers house to try and scare her into never singing again. I had the plan all worked out. i would climb over her fence and leave some meat for her dog, then i would go over and use my mallet to knock out her daughter. After that I would go down to the toilet and plant my chicken in her toilet so my chicke could give an almighty bite on her almighty ass and she would never sing again. Then my car broke down.

Mum always said... don't play with your balls in the house!!

I am not a special person. Well I am really cause I invented the word GooPodle. A GooPodle is a ladie who wants to kiss you but will only do it if you have two puppies and a platypus. I recently went to the movies and saw a movie called Chicks Digging. It was the latest Spielberg film and I was really looking forward to seeing it. When I saw it however it was 6 hours of 2 girls digging. I think he's creativity is better than ever. I threw up an apple the other day. That was fun. My girlfriend didn't appreciate it as much as I did however. We were kissing at the time.

Don't Laugh At me... Stupid Parrot

For me the zoo is an animal activists dream. When you go there you feel like shouting and sceaming and throwing blood on children. Then you don't because secretly you just don't give a shit. The last time I went to the zoo I found you I had Nits. I guess thats what you get for letting an Ape play with your nipples. Then The ape ripped off my nipples, Now I look like Pamela Anderson gone wrong. Blond hair. Blue Eyes. Two peice swim suit. Posing for the hot bods down the street. Life is good for me. Wanna hook up. I have extremely large testicles.

Leprosy

Ever had one of those moments when all of a sudden you realise you've got leprosy. I realised when I was driving and all of a sudden could'nt take my foot off the pedal, I couldn't put my leg on my foot either. After I crashed into a bus I realised it was full of beautiful women who thought I was a beautiful man. They promised to take me away on holidays and to rub tanning lotion on me and for me to look after thier cats whilst they had wild passionate lesbian sex with each other, I was thrilled. Then they noticed my foot was missing. It's them running away screaming that is the reason as to why I have such a low self esteem. Wanna hook up?

"You don't really love me do you, you Jerry Springer Whore"

Today I wrote a song

As I open up my door
you see my face and spit in it
then you slam the door on my fingers breaking 4
You pulled the wires on my car
hit my head with a steel bar
you keep putting a price on my head more and more.

You filled my house, with poisenous gas
even tried to stab my cat
something tells me you don't love me anymore.

I wonder if Snoop Dogg would be interested?

Paper cut

Lovely kittens. Why am I here, why don't I do it, I have to i need to I must. Idid. Iwent to http://notfunnykane.blogspot.com and laughed. why did I do that, why are those jokes so bad. Maybe it's the monkey. I went down to the supermarket and bought myself some fruit as a reward for taking off my father's sister's underwear and decided that i had to visit my mother to find out what was happening with my appointment with the vet, damn I wish i was a ferret, but I'm not, and beause of that I will never reap the rewards of being the teachers pet. She likes ferrets. Once we saw her ferret crawl up a hole and come out of her mouth. Gosh i want to be a ferret. I love sex ed

Whip me

Sometimes I feel like a Lion in a circus. i get whipped all day and then go to bed and wait for the lion tamer to come and have his wicked way with me. Rooted was certainly how I felt at this moment. I had left my girlfriend and now was sleeping at my dad's, I wonder if he has noticed I'm wearing his bra and panties. i need a girlfriend, not one of those male ones either, or that other one I had with four legs. I miss Lassie.

"In a MOMENT.... BITCH!"

Look at that, A dog. My day had started off badly and now was getting worse. My girl was asking for sex. I didn't have any trouble with this whatsoever except for the fact that I wasn't sure if my girl was a girl. Maybe it was the fact she had a penis. I left the house and went down to Moes to see if I could lend some money off Homer, only to realise someone had changed the channel and now I was in 7th Heaven. Kill me God.

Should I wear Pants Today

I killed my cat today, then wondered if it would be a good idea to wear pants' oh desicions, desicions, did i spell that right or should i stop letting my penis do the typing. Oh the shame of it all, oh by the way, i think your mum is sexy.